She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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