Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
