I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
