Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
