i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
