the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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