She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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