I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
