i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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