i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
