The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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