Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
