i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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