There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
