1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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