Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
His nipple licking is glorious
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