Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
