"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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