Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize