Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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