The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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