she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
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My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
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had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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