Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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