i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
