and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
