I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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