$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
