I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
