which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
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Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
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I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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