When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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