If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
