If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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