I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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