worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
