Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
