I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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