someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
