Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
