You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Michael Bay diarrhea
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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