Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
