Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize