i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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