I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
