I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He passed out mid-signature
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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