Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
