i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
