I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
