I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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