my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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