Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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