Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
