I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
