I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Randomize
