I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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