Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
