she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Use "feeling words"
Yay
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
