it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
