Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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