Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
