so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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