Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
