pop tarts are not kleenex
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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