i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
