someone get that fucking seahorse.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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